Brace yourselves for tacky, my friends. I finally figured out InDesign (well, kind of) and I feel like my fledgling mastery of this program is the key to a whole new universe: I can make my own holiday cards! And postcards! And pamphlets! I could forgo a legal career and work in graphic design! The possibilities are endless, really.
I have a final tonight and I should be prepping for it, but after solving the mysteries of Photoshop I allowed myself to play around a little, and the next thing I knew I was constructing a Fantasy Holiday Wish List, comprised of things I want, but that I don’t want to buy for myself, and which no one else wants to buy for me either. Hence, “fantasy”.
(sorry it’s so small – I’m still working out a few kinks…)
Clockwise from the top left: Air Force Ones. I never really wear sneakers (its a height issue) so I’d never buy these for myself. They’re the kind of thing I’d like to wear once though, just to feel like someone else – someone irreverent and cool, whose style icons are more current than my own. Not that there’s anything wrong with Sharon Stone in Casino, but a little modernity never hurt anyone.
A Jelly Belly dispenser. Fill that baby up with Sours and I figure I’m covered for a few hours at least.
Bond No. 9 Scent of Peace. My mom bought this for me years ago and it finally ran out last month. I was going to buy myself a new bottle but then I saw the price tag and freaked out — what a racket! I’m not about to let scented water take me to the cleaners, so this will have to wait for a generous donor. In the meantime, I’ll be looking for cheaper alternatives. Does GAP still make Dream body mist?? What about that pear spray from Victoria’s Secret?!?
A Chevy Silverado, inspired by Tim Riggins. God knows I couldn’t drive it anywhere because I wouldn’t be able to park it, but I could sit in it, drink beer, and brood.
A Spanx Slim-Cognito Shape Suit. It’s basically the world’s largest sausage casing. I’d never take it off.
A new dishwasher. Ours is on the fritz, and hand-scrubbing the caked, crusty eggs off Jake’s breakfast dishes is really taking a toll on our marriage.
Christian Louboutin Mary Janes. I’m fairly certain I’ve moved beyond the age range when Mary Janes are acceptable, but the heart wants what the heart wants.
A maxi Bottega Veneta hobo bag. I wouldn’t even carry it out in public – I’d just stare at it, speak to it in soft tones, and pet it lovingly.
Last but not least, an exotic shorthair Persian cat. Jake and Kobe HATE cats, and litter boxes are the most disgusting things on Earth, but that face!! It’s heaven.
I figure this is a good starting point for anyone who wants to buy me a gift this year. Do you have a Fantasy wish list of things you want but – barring a miracle – will never own? Is there anything really weird on yours?