Today is the last day of my first real week of classes as a second-year part-time law student.
It’s going to be a long year. While I’m excited about the benefit this will bring in the long run, I’m not thrilled about being back in school.
The days are suddenly so long.
The angry fluorescent lighting becomes inescapable- from the metro to work to metro to class to metro, those blinding white panels follow me all day.
I eat too much sugar and spend too much time on Facebook ignoring my reading and then my mind reels all through the night.
Frankly, I miss the seemingly endless time with the Boo.
Things don’t feel the same for me when we aren’t together. I feel insecure about all that I have left to accomplish, and all that he has already accomplished without me. I get jealous that his life is so exciting while mine is in many ways tedious.
I realize in writing this just how childish and illogical feelings can be, and how difficult life is when we try to rationalize them. So sometimes I just let my imagination go to the dark side, and this is what happens:
In the hunt for reason, these feelings create all sorts of monsters: fear about the future,”what ifs”, paranoia and dark shadowy creatures bellowing warnings that this won’t work, nothing lasts, no one can be trusted.
And they all do a cheer and hop on a bobsled and come barreling down an ice chute that plummets from my troubled mind to the pit of my stomach. That’s when the light comes back on.
Yes. I can be a little dramatic. It’s exhausting.
So I’m turning my mind to enjoying the dwindling summer, to the Democratic Convention next week, to fall weekends in DC with the Boo and my friends.
And in the very immediate future (as in the next hour) I plan on conquering this herringbone manicure, finally finishing Nicholas and Alexandra, and getting some sleep so I can make it my early yoga class.
I’ll touch base tomorrow and let you all know how these plans panned out.